Husband for Sale - CHEAP!

Okay - any and all male readers may now stop reading this post. Sometimes a woman needs to vent and this just might get ugly. So go back to the couch or refrigerator or what ever else you were doing.

Ladies - Let me explain the setting... All winter XXX (name has been changed to protect the not-so-innocent) kept saying that he wanted to put in a wood floor in our entry way and down the hallway. A few weeks ago I told him if he was going to do it, he better get on it or it would be spring and he wouldn't have time to. So we went to town, made the purchase, came home and got right after it. Things went "fairly" smooth... Too many chiefs and not enough indians, but we made it. Of course, being a woman, I couldn't let a perfect opportunity pass me by so I opted to paint the walls in the corresponding area. I wanted something just a little funky so I decided to go with something faux. I went to Bennets in Logan and THE nicest lady told me faux was out, except for a technique called "frotage". (I still have the video if any one wants to borrow it). In a nutshell, you paint a base coat, then mix a darker color with some glaze and apply it in sections. While still wet, you take brown paper like you mail packages in, crumple it up, spread it back out, hold it against the wall, and smooth it out with a wallpaper brush, then remove the paper. It gives it kind of a crackled appearance. I forgot to mention that last year I painted one of the entry way walls a darkish brown and wanted to leave it, so had to match the faux walls to it and the new wood floor. So, went with some really light colors - a creamy color for the base and then a yellowish cream for the glazed color. To put it politely, the process was a pain in the BOTTOM! The hallway has not 1, not 2, but 5, yes count them, 5 doors in it that I had to mask off, paint around, etc. And I could only do it when Shani was available because it was definately a two-person job, and XXX did NOT have the patience to help me! So it took almost a week to get it done. Upon completion, you guessed it - I was not happy with it. The technique was awesome, and the walls looked great - but it was like the brown wall, the floor and the new walls were all competing against each other or something. XXX said that he thought it was okay and to just hurry up and get it finished... (Imagine me rolling my eyes at this point). So back to the store I went, with photos for show-and tell, seeking more advice. She (the NICEST lady) said she couldn't help me without seeing something more concrete so back home I went, painted a board with the base color, let it dry, frotaged the darker color, let it dry, and painted the brown of the "other" wall on the back, found a piece of leftover flooring, and trucked back over the hill. I know this is getting long, but hang in there - I am almost done. Take a potty break and hurry back! The NICEST lady helped me pick out a THIRD NEW color, which was in-between the dark brown and the frotaged stuff, another gallon of glaze, and yup, a new technique. This time I was to apply the "new" color with a cotton rag (50/50 works, too :) ), in a wiping motion, kind of like the KARATE KID when he was doing the "Wax On, Wax Off" thingy. Kind of like ragging it, but not really. So I have worked on that for the last four days. I REALLY like it - kind of has a leather-like appearance to it. But very labor-intensive, too. So today I was about 3/4 the way done, when I stopped to go change the laundry. While I was walking down the hallway, XXX, who was at the command center in a horizontal position (aka the couch), hollered and said "I liked it better the other way..." I stopped and contemplated which method of murder would be the easiest to administer and clean up after... But kept my wits about me and continued to the utility room, choosing to use the technique of "selective hearing" and just pretend like I didn't hear him. After I had prepared and cleaned up lunch, changed the laundry again, and began to paint once more, XXXs' phone rang and he announced that he was going to go check out the fish that his buddy had just caught. As he saundered out the door, he turned around and said "I really liked the other color better" and he was gone. Now you know why he is for sale. Any takers? Let me know soon because by morning (and a night on the couch!)I will most likely have found a reason or two to keep him. Thanks for letting me vent. And by the way, I just went back and timed this and it only took you approximately 5 minutes and 24 seconds to read through it all, and hopefully you smiled once or twice. Now, I bid you farewell, XXX is snoring in the room next door and I need to do the dinner dishes, change the laundry again, and continue painting!